BC Supreme Court Chief Justice Robert Bauman Wednesday upheld Canadas polygamy law, which makes multiple marriages illegal.

In a 335-page ruling, the judge said that while the law minimally impairs the constitutional right of religious freedom, it is justified by the harms polygamy causes to women, children and society.

Women in polygamous relationships are at an elevated risk of physical and psychological harm, Bauman said in his ruling. They face higher rates of domestic violence and abuse, including sexual abuse.

He added: Early marriage for girls is common, frequently to significantly older men. The resultant early sexual activity, pregnancies and childbirth have negative implications for girls, and also significantly limit their socio-economic development.

But Bauman said minors in polygamous relationships should be exempt from prosecution under the polygamy section of the Criminal Code. He suggested the legislation be read down to exclude children between 12 and 17.

The decision was handed down after a 42-day constitutional reference case held this spring, during which the judge heard arguments for and against Section 293 of the Criminal Code. The question of the laws constitutionality stemmed from a stay of proceedings in the 2009 polygamy prosecutions of Winston Blackmore and James Oler of the Bountiful community in BC

Attorney-General Shirley Bond welcomed the ruling, saying the courts sent a clear message in support of the governments position.

This is a landmark ruling, Bond said. It is a situation where Justice Bauman basically embraced the governments entire argument about the profound depth of harm thats created from polygamous relationships.

The government, she added, will now take time to consider its next steps.

Leonard Krog, New Democratic Party critic for the attorney-general, said he believes the court made the right decision, but added the province should expedite the appeal process so that the prosecution of polygamists can go ahead.

The fact is in the United States they have had successful prosecutions [of polygamists]; British Columbians are wondering why it hasnt happened here, he said.

At this point, I think we need to get it [the reference case] to the Supreme Court of Canada, Krog added.

The judge appointed senior Vancouver lawyer George Macintosh as an amicus curiae – a Latin term meaning friend of the court – to argue in favour of striking down the law.

Macintosh said Wednesday that he has 30 days to decide whether to appeal.

Any appeal would have to involve the constitutional question rather than findings of fact, because the judge strongly found there are harms inherent in polygamy, he said.

Macintosh said if all the parties consented, an appeal could be sought directly with the Supreme Court of Canada.

[The ruling is] everything we could have hoped for, said Brian Samuels, a lawyer representing the group Stop Polygamy in Canada, which was granted intervener status in the case. Its a very strong decision.

Tags: Marriages

One in three non-EU men applying to marry EU brides at Leeds Town Hall are believed to be planning sham marriages.

In a two-week campaign by immigration police, 30 out of 80 applications for weddings were dropped or not proceeded with by couples, when questions were asked.

The initiative is part of a nationwide campaign to target bogus marriage arrangers believed to be netting between £5,000 and £15,000 a go.

Agency staff have been based at Leeds Town Hall and have spoken to 70 couples. As a result, 20 said they would not go ahead with their wedding.

Ten couples thought to have become aware of the Border Agency operation did not even turn up for interview – all had paid the £67 fee to apply for a marriage between a non-EU resident and an EU person.

Yesterday a Yorkshire Evening Post reporter watched as two couples left after deciding not to go ahead with their weddding after talking to Border Agency officers. These included a 17-year-old Hungarian girl with a letter of permission to marry from her father who was with her and her older Pakistan-born proposed groom.

During the campaign one couple “did a runner”

UK Border Agency officers. Four people were arrested for being illegal immigrants or breaching visas and seven more people are to be interviewed later.

Leeds Town Hall is one of the centres in the NE where Non-EU people must apply to marry EU partners.

A number of sham marriage ceremonies have been halted at Leeds Town Hall previously and some have already led to prosecution.

The scale of sham marriages is not clear, but they may also go on in churches where clergy may be duped. There has been training on how to spot bogus couples,

Andy Radcliffe, manager of the NE UK Border Agency Immigration Crime Team, said: “We will take a zero tolerance to those involved in this illegal activity.”

• Email to a friend
• Print this page

Tags: Marriages

The marriage was short-lived, but the lessons will stay with Naomi Woldemar forever.

Woldemar was 32 when she married her roommate of six years. They didnt have much romance, but they got along so well enough that everyone asked what they were waiting for.

He didnt want to grow old alone. She succumbed to family pressure. Both knew it was wrong, but they got hitched anyway.

Six months later, they split.

I told myself, I could stay for another 20 years and have children and houses and all the things you have to uncouple when you get divorced later in life, says Woldemar, now 42, who remarried and is living in Santa Cruz. Or, I could leave now and have a chance to really find true love.

Short marriages arent limited to celebrities such as Kim Kardashian. Plenty of people get married and discover after a year or two that it was the wrong decision. Maybe they were high-school sweethearts who rushed into matrimony, or a couple who chose to do the right thing after getting pregnant.

Whatever the reason, experts say these starter marriages can be avoided if people took more time to get to know each other and learn how to resolve conflict before saying I do.

Looking back, Woldemar says she was not really awake to what marriage meant. She says she was young and still working out who she was. Now Im older and have a better understanding of marriage. Its about two people who are whole, in love and

Tags: Marriages

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes something supernatural in the baby carriage. Just in case you werent invited to the ceremony, youll want to know that the vampire Edward and the human Bella get married in The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part I. Talk about a mixed marriage!

Many of the young women in the audience vicariously will imagine themselves as bridesmaids at that unusual event. Although this fourth installment isnt likely to win new converts, it definitely knows how to please its target audience.

Breaking Dawn doesnt waste any time in pleasing them. Jacob, the hunky werewolf whos the loser in the marital sweepstakes, takes off his shirt at the very beginning of the movie.

That faithful audience has been growing up along with the characters. Breaking Dawn is way beyond the first date phase, which means that the emotional and physical aspects of marriage and childbirth are dealt with pretty directly by director Bill Condon (Gods and Monsters and Dreamgirls).

Tags: Marriages

Kim Kardashianmay have said that shed be with Kris Humphries forever, but apparently forever only lasts 72 days. And who said romance is dead?

Though the fairytale is over, the ubiquitous Kardashian sister has built a career on showcasing her life via reality television, and her divorce is no different. The second season of her umpteenth spinoff (OK, fine, its more like the third) of Keeping Up With The Kardashiansairs on E!tonight, this one featuring Kim and sister Kourtney in NYC and appropriately titled Kourtney And Kim Take New York. The series, of course, will also feature their significant others, Humphries and Scott Disick, respectively.

But dont be fooled into thinking the show will be at all about the sisters trying to open up a new D-A-S-H store in the concrete jungle. No, Kourtney And Kim Take New York will undoubtedly focus on the deterioration of Kim and Kris newbie marriage, dedicated to showing us where it all went wrongin the two-plus months they spent together post-nuptials.

Kim and Kris are hardly the first dysfunctional married couple to grace the airwaves, and they surely wont be the last. Theres a certain lesson that can be derived from every trash TV couple: Its OK to watch them making fools out of themselves if were learningfrom it, right? Absolutely. So, with that, check out our list of the 10 Lessons Learned From Dysfunctional Reality TV Marriages.

Written by Tanya Ghahremani (@tanyaghahremani)

FollowComplexPopCult

Tags: Marriages

Aside from the many OMG YOUR BABY WILL DIE! comments that come up during conversations about co-sleeping, another thing I always hear is how terrible a co-sleeping moms sex life must be. Well, Im here to set the record straight about sex and co-sleeping once and for all.

So if youre unsure about how a couple can have a fulfilling sex life and marriage and still co-sleep with their kids, read on. And no, Im not going to give you the intimate details of my sex life (youre welcome.)

First, pretend youre a teenager. And you want to have sex. (If you waited until marriage, replace that with newlywed.) Where do you go to have sex? Thats right — ANYWHERE. The couch, the floor, the kitchen, the shower. As a co-sleeping parent, these places are still an option. The bed is not the only place you can have sex. In fact, its the boring couple who restricts their lovemaking to the bed.

See, so that one is simple. Where do we have sex? Wherever we feel like it.

As far as co-sleeping husbands being miserable, most husbands I know enjoy the baby being close by. Sure, some guys do feel a little bitter about the baby, but the couple can easily work out a compromise, where mom moves baby to the outside of the bed instead of between them (where baby is safest anyway). Or even put into a co-sleeper or side-carred crib for some or most of the night. Easy peasy. Most understanding husbands get that mom often gets the most sleep when baby is right there with her, making for a happier family in general. Believe it or not, most couples can logically work through the causes of a husbands dislike of co-sleeping like mature adults … and its usually not the co-sleeping, but a lack of intimacy or even just worry about rolling onto the baby. Both problems are easily solved in a way that still keeps baby in the bed (or next to it).

I know in some families, the mom and dad dont sleep in the same bed. This happens regardless of co-sleeping, whether because one person snores badly, has restless leg syndrome, very different sleep schedules, or many different reasons. It really has little to do with co-sleeping, and can hardly be blamed on it. While I wouldnt choose that, I know how nice it can be to have a bed by myself, after seven deployments while my husband was in the Navy. But who am I to judge another families sleeping arrangements? No one, thats who. And frankly, no one else should either.

Now, last but not least, having a space to call your own … my bedroom isnt kid-free. Why? Because in the middle of the night for nightmares or in the morning for cuddling or Attack of the Blanket Monster, I think the parents bed has always been a place kids enjoy playing and bonding and cuddling. Plus, once all the kids are in bed, the whole HOUSE is the parents alone. I know pillow talk is highly rated, but uh, once your baby or toddler is asleep, whats stopping that? Nuttin, thats what. But if you want your bedroom kid-free, be my guest, but stop telling me I should with mine, or anyone else, for that matter. My voice and our cuddling works equally well anywhere else, so the marriage? Again, not suffering.

Look, I really dont care if you use a crib, co-sleeping, sidecar, or put your baby in your bed. Its about whats best for your family, but especially for your baby, and is respectful of your babys nighttime needs. But please stop pretending that the marriages of co-sleepers are broken and dysfunctional, and for gods sake, keep your opinions about my bedroom and sex life to yourself. Thanks.

Have you had your marriage questioned simply because you co-sleep?

Image via Kai Hendry/Flickr

Tags: Marriages

ZEBRA FINCHES: Homosexual bonds between these birds are just as faithful as between finches of the opposite sex. (Photo: Keith Gerstung/Wiki Commons/CC License)

Tags: Marriages

laquo; PreviousNext raquo;

A match worth making? A response to Orthodox Jewish straight marriages

19 August 2011

By Rabbi Andrea Myers
Author
The Choosing: A Rabbis Journey from Silent Nights to High Holy Days

Move to Denver! It was all I could do to keep myself from shouting at the screen while watching Brokeback Mountain a few years ago. In a New York City movie theater, this behavior would not stand out. Jack and Ennis, the central characters, secret lovers for decades, were fighting. Jack was insisting that they could have had a good life together, and Ennis was trying to push him away. I was rooting for Jack, for the possibility that the two of them could have been a couple instead of entering into heterosexual marriages. I, and a number of fellow movie-goers, wanted to tell them: Please go somewhere that you can live your lives together already.

By Rabbi Andrea Myers

I had similar thoughts when I read that Rabbi Areleh Harel, an Orthodox rabbi living in the West Bank, is acting as a matchmaker between gay men and lesbians. Rabbi Harels idea is that marrying gay men and lesbians to each other allows them to have families, while keeping their secret and staying within their religious world. Presumably, having them marry someone who is gay instead of someone straight is meant to lessen the collateral damage that Jack and Ennis families suffered.

Still, collateral damage is easy to imagine in this situation. The people who enter into these arrangements, no matter how pure their intentions, are deceiving their families and their communities. Every affirmation they receive for their wedding is based on a fiction. They are modeling a marriage that is not based on romantic or sexual intimacy and love. They are setting themselves up for infidelity and a life lived under constant threat of exposure.

I also wonder where God is in the legal fiction of these marriages. Harel abdicates responsibility for the consequences of these marriages, saying that if adultery takes place it is not [his] business. There is a Jewish teaching that if you make three successful matches, you earn a place in the world-to-come. Where do you go if you have set up a situation that could cause tremendous pain and suffering to entire communities?

I also wonder why, if these marriages are meant to conceal the identities of the couples, Rabbi Harels work is being featured so prominently in national and international media. Lavender marriages have been going on for centuries, and have been discussed in other traditional communities for years. Why has the Harel story gone viral, and why now? It may be that the trend towards the legalization of same-sex marriage has upped the ante, and made those who oppose it want to show alternatives. Why risk disapproval by marrying your same-sex partner, if you could find an opposite-sex gay or lesbian person to marry and gain heterosexual privilege instead?

I have to believe that the people who are entering into these marriages are sincere. They are trying to find a way to live lives that are normative in their communities. What disturbs me is that this is being presented as their only choice, the only way that they can continue to live as observant Jews. In this situation, Move to Denver! need not mean: Leave your religious practice! Rather, it means: Find another way. Lech lecha, go forth like Abraham did. The territory may feel unknown, but with faith you can make it there. Live the life that is yours to live.

The key problem with these matches is coercion, people feeling forced into marriage because they see no viable alternative. Notably, this is a problem in same-sex and heterosexual marriages as well. Recently, there has been talk about the pressure on same-sex couples to get married in New York. A recent New Yorker cartoon shows two men in bed, one turning to the other and saying: Please stop looking at me like now Im gonna propose. And in July, the New York Times ran an article titled: Ready to Wed? No, Mom Some Parents of Gay Children Push for Marriage. This phenomenon, in which partners and parents pressure people to wed, is old news for straight couples, and almost everyone who is single.

The situation in the Orthodox community that Harel and his clients inhabit is one in which it is virtually impossible to have a social life without being married with children. In this world, being known to be gay would be cause for condemnation, exclusion, or worse. No wonder then, if these individuals feel like they have to live a lie, they would rather have companionship, social standing, and safety. But how many people, in the secular or liberal religious world, also feel immense pressure to be married, as if their only options are to be married or to be miserable? How many single people in our communities feel like their social and even professional options are limited by their single status? How many of them settle for mediocre marriages, preferring that to being alone?

Marriage should be an option for everyone but it needs to be a choice, not a foregone conclusion. I fought to support marriage equality in New York State, as a lesbian and as a rabbi. My partner and I had our religious wedding back in 2001, when no one was pressuring us to get married; it happened entirely by the force of our own wills. What gives marriage its value is that it is chosen. Choose life, the Torah teaches, that you and your children may live. (Deut 30:19) As a liberal rabbi, I believe in informed choice: it is our privilege and our obligation to educate ourselves about our options and choose wisely, informed by our tradition and by our values, by our hearts and by our minds. It may be that for the gay men and lesbians who are calling Harel, they feel that this is their best choice. I wish that they could see more choices in their lives.

Some would argue that marriage has always been a business arrangement, a societal tool to create stable families. But in Judaism, marriage has always promised something more. Even in Biblical times, Rebecca needs to agree to her match with the patriarch Isaac, and her agreement is seen to set legal precedent: you cannot have a Jewish marriage without the consent of both parties. Indeed, Isaac and Rebeccas marriage is the first one which the Torah describes as involving love. In another venerable Jewish source, Fiddler on the Roof, a daughter sings for the matchmaker to make her a match. But then she realizes that a bad match is worse than no match at all, and so she concludes:

Matchmaker, matchmaker, plan me no plan,

Im in no rush, maybe Ive learned

Playing with matches a girl can get burned

So bring me no ring,

Groom me no groom,

Find me no find,

Catch me no catch,

Unless hes a matchless match!

The Jewish wedding ceremony culminates in the sheva brachot, seven blessings. In them, the couple is described as reim ahuvim, loving companions. Their voices on their wedding day are meant to be kol sasson vkol simcha, the voice of rejoicing and the voice of happiness. I want to suggest another blessing, and it is this: may everyone be blessed with the ability to truly choose whether, and to whom, they will be wed. Then, as the wedding blessings promise, we will truly be celebrating with loving companions, their voices ringing out with happiness. Now that is a match worth making.

$19.95

See Related: Books Archive

See Related: Marriage Equality Archive

See Related: On Scene with Bill Wilson

Tags: Marriages

Mumbai: An actress who has always said it is too early to think about marriage actually did so seven times in her reel life.

Priyanka Chopra gave one of her most critically-acclaimed performances playing a 21-year-old to a 65-year-old, covering almost every crucial stage in a womans life in the thriller 7 Khoon Maaf.

Not surprisingly, the role has won Priyanka a place among the lucky five, who have made it to the final voting round in the Abhinetri No. 1 category of the countrys most democratic peoples choice awards- Bhaskar Bollywood Awards. The awards are sponsored by the new Estilo from Maruti Suzuki.

I think the experience of playing a wife to seven husbands of different ages has given me a lot of knowledge in real life and I would definitely use it for better prospects, laughs Priyanka.

But Piggy Chops reveals that she couldnt connect stepping into a 40-plus character.

The 20s was my age, and 30s was what I was going to sneak into. The 50s and 60s were still easier to do because your body language would drastically change. But in middle period of 40s, you are not very old but you are not very young either, which was a task, says Priyanka.

Priyanka took a lot of references from day to day life.
I keenly observed several housewives and women of all the ages to prepare for the role, she says.

The versatile actress says the role demanded a lot.

It was emotionally and physically very draining and I used to take out all my tantrums on Vishal (the director). We fought on sets, he yelled at me and I did the same to him. But then we used to make up, she recalls.

Priyanka, however, is all praises for Vishal Bhradwaj saying he knows how to exploit her potential. He brought out the best in me. Im really grateful that Vishal thought I could pull it off, she concluded.

Vote now and win attractive prizes!

If you think that Priyanka truly deserves the Bhaskar Bollywood Awards Abhinetri No. 1 award, then all youve got to do is vote for her!

Log on to www.dailybhaskar.com and vote for the countrys most democratic peoples choice awards! Vote now to ensure an award for Priyanka and you stand a chance to win daily prizes including BlackBerry phones, ipods and DVDs.

Whats more, you can also be the lucky one to give away the award personally to this beautiful actress. Vote now or you will miss the golden opportunity.

Tags: Marriages

Jenn Phillips of Trolley Square in Wilmington is a one-woman pep squad for interracial love.

And shes hoping people will get excited with her on June 12 at Wilmingtons First Unitarian Church for what she believes is Delawares first Loving Day celebration.

The Loving Day party is an afternoon of music and fun to celebrate a June 12, 1967, Supreme Court decision that made it legal to be part of an interracial couple. It is a day precious to Phillips, the daughter of an interracial marriage.

Her parents married in Michigan in 1969, benefiting from the Supreme Court ruling.

As a child I had kids who said its not possible to have one black parent and one white, says Phillips, knowing that everyday acceptance of interracial couples in restaurants and check-out lines has evolved more slowly than the law.

I want our Loving Day event to give everyone a sense of home, comfort, freedom, dignity and so many other things Ive been looking for, says the 42-year-old graphic designer.

As she points out, even President Obama, the product of an interracial union, gets hassled about his birth.

On June 12 at 12:30 pm, the churchs Allies for Racial Justice, which Phillips co-chairs, is hosting an afternoon of free music and games on the church lawn. Its a time for networking and food, when Phillips expects that people will get that its not necessary for her to have the same skin color as her husband Jack Walker, for the two to love each other and have a lot in common.

The Delaware celebration is thought to be the only Loving Day party in the region. And members of First Unitarian in Brandywine Hundred are inviting people in interracial relationships and marriages to remember that 44 years ago the Supreme Court repudiated white supremacy in marriage.

Loving is the last name of Richard Loving, a white man who was part of the Supreme Court ruling that struck down Virginias miscegenation laws meant to enforce racial segregation.

In 1958 Loving and Mildred Jeter, a black woman, married in the District of Columbia and moved to Virginia, where they were arrested. At their 1959 trial the judge brought God into the ruling, writing that: Almighty God created the races white, black, yellow, malay and red, and he placed them on separate continents. … The fact that he separated the races shows that he did not intend for the races to mix.

Tags: Marriages